One week ago, I had the second half of my thyroid removed. This leaves me on medication for the rest of my life. I am also taking calcium tablets as my levels dropped in hospital, so I’m having them rechecked next week.
I had a meltdown in hospital on Sunday. I haven’t had a huge amount over the last year, but I have had a couple. I’m just done. I’ve got no fight left anymore. I can’t do it. I’m done.
I can’t bear the thought of going through the radio-iodine treatment and being in hospital in isolation, and then being away from my little boy for some weeks after. So I’m talking to my consultant when I see him and telling him I’m not having it done yet. I spoke to my key-worker about this on Monday and he said that I won’t be the first person who has chosen to do that. I just want some life for a bit. I want to have another baby, I don’t want to be away from my son any more. I’ve been in hospital enough over the last year and it’s unsettling for him.
This operation left me feeling much worse than last time. I’m was in more pain. I was in hospital an extra 2 nights, I had a drain in for an extra 36 hours, my stitches were in for longer, I feel constantly nauseous and my voice is yet to return one week after the surgery was done.
My little boy keeps pointing at my wound saying “hurt, poorly, hurt” and kissing it better for me, which is very sweet.
I just need a break. I want to bring some happiness back into all of our lives, is that such a bad thing?
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